Forgiving, Loving God
God speaking on Babylonians (Isaiah 13: 13-19): "Every one that is found shall be thrust through; and every one that is joined unto them shall fall by the sword. Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their wives ravished." Yes, he is advocating rape here.
Moses said unto them (Numbers 31: 15-18): "Have ye saved all the women alive? Behold, these caused the children of Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass against the LORD in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the LORD. Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves." Was Moses the ark guy who collected two of each of the 900 thousand species of insects? Does that include those that are polymorphic? I wonder how long that would have taken.
God murdering the innocent children of the Egyptians, not those who committed the crimes mind you, their children (Exodus 12:7-13): "And they shall take of the blood, and strike it on the two side posts and on the upper door post of the houses, wherein they shall eat it. And they shall eat the flesh in that night, roast with fire, and unleavened bread; and with bitter herbs they shall eat it. Eat not of it raw, nor sodden at all with water, but roast with fire; his head with his legs, and with the purtenance thereof. And ye shall let nothing of it remain until the morning; and that which remaineth of it until the morning ye shall burn with fire. And thus shall ye eat it; with your loins girded, your shoes on your feet, and your staff in your hand; and ye shall eat it in haste: it is the LORD's passover. For I will pass through the land of Egypt this night, and will smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast; and against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment: I am the LORD. I will ... smite all the firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast. Against all the gods of Egypt I will execute judgment. And the blood shall be to you for a token upon the houses where ye are: and when I see the blood, I will pass over you, and the plague shall not be upon you to destroy you, when I smite the land of Egypt." "God tells the Israelites to smear some blood on their doors. That way when he's going around killing Egyptian children, he'll remember not to kill their children too." -SAB (3)
Obey
Slavery and the First Amendment (1 Peter: 2 via Isaiah): "Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men: whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right. For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God."
Long hair (1 Corinthians 11:14): "Does not nature itself teach you that if a man wears long hair it is a disgrace for him?" I can't argue with this one.This took quite a bit longer to compile than I was expecting. If you are still interested/offended, stay tuned for further possible entries on the subject. Future topics may include God's hatred for Canaanites; God deciding to kill Moses because his son had not yet been circumcised; or perhaps why if you think that the "man laying with another man" passage condemns gays, then you also bicariously have to stone to death your disobedient children.
My point is not that being spiritual is a bad thing. If you want to believe in a higher power, that is your right as a human being. Just don't pretend like there is science behind your claims. I have no right to say what you can or cannot believe, so long as it does not impede my freedoms (4). The reason that I like to present quotes like this is to show that taking the Bible literally is the wrong way to look at it. It is a set of moral homonyms telling you how to live your life, nothing deeper and certainly not literal. You cannot pick and choose parts to take literally and other parts to twist to your will. It is not the inspired word of "God," it is a written, edited, rewritten, reedited, on and on and on volume. To believe that the Bible is anything more than a cult scripture originated around an unsound person that was eventually molded into something fit for public consumption, is foolish at best.
References
1- Don't believe me, eh? Well I suggest that you check out a fellow named Apollonius. I know what you're thinking. Who the hell is that? Exactly.
2- See also: things worth living for
3- Skeptics Annotated Bible - They aren't shooting for unbiased, neither am I.
4- What was the name of Bambi's best friend?
